by Liz Kennington

Around the turn of the 20th century, books designed to teach women how to make men happy were a big item. But advice books for men were rare.

In 1883, a Methodist minister named George W. Hudson wrote a book geared to helping young men pick the proper woman to marry and how to keep her happy. Hudson self- published the book because of the lack of interest in marriage manuals for men.

With Father’s Day being celebrated this month, I thought it would be a great idea to look at some of that advice and determine for yourself whether you made the correct choice in your companion, and if you are doing the right things to keep her happy.

One of the first things that Reverend advised young men was to avoid marrying into a family of “hucksters.” Apparently, a year before Hudson published his book, he was hosting a revival in Maine. At some point Hudson returned to his cabin to find his brother-in-law, John A. Gardner, holed up on the run from the law. The cabin was raided, and his brother-in-law was taken to prison. “If they are of such character as to shame you, it will be very unpleasant for you.”

So, if you don’t hook up with a family of hucksters, what are your choices? One strong piece of advice is to look for a girl who can haul things. Yup, that’s right! And she should also have large hands. “Choose for your wife a woman with… good round limbs, as well as a large well-proportioned head— one who can run and walk and lift a good load. Brain is a good thing,” says Hudson, “but without body it is a useless engine.”

While Hudson dives into various aspects of a couple’s intimate life, he also advises how to make the marriage successful beyond that. Divorce in the 19th century was a public ordeal of shame and misery. The Reverend suggested that a man should stay married and pretend to be happy even if the marriage was not ideal.

“Command your affections steadfastly to their lawful object; you can if you will, no matter how unfortunate your married life may prove. Better that you do so, and live in a perfect purgatory, than that you incur the awful disgrace and ruin resulting from the desertion of your wife.”

Here’s a bit of advice that may seem odd but was important enough to make the book. Don’t marry someone just because she’s nice. Apparently, Hudson felt that compatibility was important as well as charm and abilities. However, “many good people have very little force of character, very little ability. After all, sometimes ‘goodness’ is only another name for imbecility.”

If you can’t marry someone who is nice, then how about someone who isn’t? Well, apparently that is also a no-no! “Shun as you would shun the death the woman who never agrees with anybody, and who never has a good word for anybody…True, you cannot always tell by appearances, for Satan often ‘appears as an angel of light,’ but with a little care you can usually determine pretty accurately. Beware of a young woman of perverse disposition.”

This leads to another area of concern to Hudson. “Why should men with good mental endowment, good physique, good lungs and sound in every part, marry poor, sickly, weak- minded, consumptive, scrofulous [tuberculosis of the lymph nodes] women, and bring into the world families of children doomed either to sink into premature graves or drag out a sickly, whining existence.” Bottom line: Don’t marry a woman of degenerate stock!

Here’s a piece of advice that could still be important today: Make sure she can cook before you propose. “You want, first of all, a woman who knows how to manage a household,” Hudson wrote. “This is almost indispensable to your personal comfort and happiness.” This might seem an obvious thing to ask for considering the time.

“You will find many who say they can learn; you may be inclined to try one of them. But suppose she should not learn! It is running considerable risk. Think of that fearful period of learning, during which your stomach must be made the receptacle for all sorts of messes, and your home remain in a chaotic state! You may die of dyspepsia or go mad before she succeeds.”

Want to read the entire book and find other great tidbits of wisdom for your children or grandchildren?

Download the entire eBook for free at https://books.google.com/books/about/The_ Marriage_Guide_for_Young_Men.html?id=v 0a4ZuBrZoMC.